Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Oklahoma Youth In Line For Total World Domination
Staff Writer and Biased Auntie
(AP) Edmond, Okla. - Stranger things have happened, you say? Perhaps. In a world where iPods reign and oil prices continue to sky-rocket, many Americans have decided merely to give up hope. Uneducated, 5 o'clock news-worthy comments such as "Well, what can I, a lower-class hillbilly from the Great Bill Clinton's home state, do?" and "Oprah told me to!" permeate these fifty nifty United States as Republicans, Democrats, Independents and "Dancing With The Stars" fans have collaboratively chosen the beaten path of denial.
Many worry about the state of the world. Is it really the end times? Sometimes it seems as though it is. Wars are wreaking havoc and tearing nations apart. Natural disasters continue ravaging their way along our nation's coastlines. Hilary Clinton is running for President of the United States. All of these seem to be pointing to the finale of our existance on this Earth; that is, before the Risley off-spring arrived.
Discovering the lack of responsibility amongst their fellow Americans, five Oklahoma children have taken matters into their own teeny hands. These children, all cousins and descendents of Lord Wiley and Lady Judith of Labette County, Kansas, took the time during their recent spring break to fix all the problems of the world. Leader and eldest of the cousins, 7-year-old Nik, approached the four younger children in a desperate attempt to realign the stars.
"I knew only two things could save this great country," Nik said. "Cokes for everyone and our combined forces. Without the five of us, and the wisdom we've gained by being Noonies [nieces and nephews] of our rad Aunt Angie, the world will surely crumble beneath the weight of its own disappointment. I can't, I won't stand for it."
The other Risley children include Nik's 6-year-old sister Izabella; 18-month-old sister Carlee; and cousins, 2 1/2-year-old Claire and her brother, 16-month-old Drake. All the children are pictured above sans Carlee enjoying their spring break. (Though she was unavailable for comment at the time of our interview, Carlee did agree to make a special appearance at the gala to be held in honor of our small heroes.)
In order to save the world, one consensus was unanimously reached during that week of intense meetings, snack times and backyard-playing: Laughter IS the best medicine and all you really need is Love. With their powers combined, the cousins agreed that in addition to the Cokes they would purchase using their fathers' gas cards, they would cheer their fellow students with great "Your Mom" jokes, as well as the classic "Knock, knock" and "I know you are, but what am I?" gags. Thusly, by introducing laughter to their friends, their friends could then, in turn, pass it along to their parents to perpetuate the cycle.
Hearing of the goodness these children are doing in their community, Presidential Republican hopeful Rudy Giuiliani simply stated "I heart NY and I want to make a t-shirt that says so. Vote for me."
In the two weeks since their spring break decision, much change has been noted. The sun is shining once again, children are still going "cookoo for Cocoa Puffs", and the death toll from falling Wal-Mart prices is at an all-time low. Indeed these young children must be ready to take over the world soon...just as soon as they finish this last episode of "Dora the Explorer."